Posted in Blog

Hacking Online Love – Another dating tip blog thing

It is no secret. I have gone on several online dates in my life. Although I haven’t been on one in a few months now, whenever I come across an interesting article about the subject, or find an interesting profile on Tinder or OkCupid, I feel the need to write about it, explore it, and understand it from the perspective of where I am at today in my life.

This particular article, written for Wired, tells the story of a mathematician that essentially “hacked” OkCupid to find the perfect gal for him. Seriously, if you’ve ever went on any online date & have come out frustrated as hell with the situation, or the other person, or yourself, read the above article. This guy spent hours, days, weeks writing code in Python to find love. Some would say his journey ended when he found a way to get messages from 40 girls a day (which is funny to me, because I’m pretty sure the attractive girls probably get more than that a day from guys without hacking the system), but I think McKinlay (the mathematician) would argue his true self journey started when he started dating these test subjects outside of the lab and in the field. Sometimes 2 dates a day!

It is a little weird…but it is also a really raw story of one man’s quest to find love. It is also pretty funny with some of the statistics he found and is the highest trending article I’ve seen on Wired for awhile.

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Seriously, read the article. We are all searching. Whether its for love, or if its to just figure out our place in this cruel and beautiful universe.

It took McKinlay 88 first dates to find the woman he was looking for. The most poignant part of this story comes at the end, when his future wife, first date #88 says, “People are much more complicated than their profiles.  So the way we met was kind of superficial, but everything that happened after is not superficial at all.  It’s been cultivated through a lot of work.”

I think we can all agree with that statement; whether you met your love online or not, relationships take work. No matter how much you “hacked” it to start, the true “hacking” or “work” begins on that second date.


Anyway, what’d you guys think of this article? Let me know in the comments below!

Posted in Blog

True Detective S01E01 Mini Review


Wow. Just. Wow.

I first heard about True Detective last year when it was officially picked up by HBO, and from the title I immediately thought it was a “True Blood” spin off dealing with a detective type genre. Man was I wrong, and pleasantly surprised with this beginning episode.

The intro credits alone set up the tone of the show. Dark. Mysterious. Sometimes things aren’t at all what they seem. A McConaughey silhouette morphs into some sort of landscape or industrial building. Religious figures are seen praying and you automatically know you’re being taken to the deep south. A neutral color palette with bright lights show you that although things may look beautiful and alive, there is a dark side to everything.

“The Long Bright Dark” as the first episode is so justly titled opens in 2012 with a suited Woody Harrelson being interrogated about his first partner, “You don’t choose your parents. Well, you don’t get to choose your partner either.” Cut to 20 years prior, the crime scene that this whole show was a catalyst for: a naked girl alone in a farmer’s field underneath an old tree. Ritualistically placed with deer antlers and other artifacts that are still unknown.

Cut back to 2012, this time its Matthew McConaughey being interrogated. He looks nothing like his young self. Long hair, smoking a cigarette inside. His eyes are sunken. He asks if he can go buy a beer, they ask him why, “Well, its noon on Thursday. As it is, Thursday is usually my day off. On my days off I start drinking at noon.” He’s obviously an alcoholic now, but what made him this way? This is just as interesting of a mystery as the naked girl in the farmer’s field. And this is why this show already has me hooked. The dynamics of a partnership in law enforcement has been done a thousand times before, but here we see some raw conversations between the two. Throw in a pinch of philosophical existentialism with McConaughey’s southern drawl, you got a recipe for awesomeness.

I don’t know where this show is going to take me. I’m guessing some pretty dark places. But 2014 is shaping up to be the year of Matthew McConaughey. Between Mud, Dallas Buyer’s Club, Interstellar and now this, the guy has no limits and not the lame romantic comedy actor with a southern accent we all thought he was. Harrelson is equally as interesting and showing his acting chops here, but its McConaughey’s Rust Cohle’s monologue about human consciousness being “a tragic misstep in evolution,” that got me excited to see where this twisted, dark, Texas version of Sherlock Holmes will take me.


What about you guys? Did anybody catch the premiere of this show? If not, I highly recommend it, Cohle’s monologue is worth the price of admission.


Posted in Blog

Accidental Eavesropping Leads to Creepy Story

urlI want to start out by saying, I am not an eavesdropper by nature. It is none of my business what you and another person are talking about. However, there are just certain times that eavesdropping becomes unavoidable.

My story begins when it had become unavoidable. In a bathroom stall, iPhone battery dead, nothing to stop me from distracting myself from this awkward, creepy conversation. This could have taken place inside of a gym locker room or an office bathroom. To help keep anonymity, names and locations have been changed. The conversation starts out innocently enough:

“Hey man, did you see the new episode of Family Guy last week?”

“Nah, I was it good? I was too busy checking on my girl.”

“Checking on your girl? What’s that even mean, bro?”

“Well it is going to sound sort of stalkerish, because it is, but she deserved it. She has been acting strange recently, and the other day I texted her at like 10pm. She said she was going to sleep but I didn’t believe her, so I got in my car and I went to her house.”

“Are you serious man?”

“Yeah, her house isn’t that far away from my place, just like 10 miles. Right down the street. I drove by her house, saw that the light was still on in her room, so I knew she wasn’t asleep. I didn’t want her to see me so I parked about half a mile away, and climbed up her neighbor’s tree so I could see in to her room.”

“You climbed up a tree??!!”

“I had my suspicions she has been hanging out with Brock for awhile now, just wanted to make sure. When I could see in to her room, she wasn’t sleeping at all, just playing games on her iPad. So I texted her again asking what she was doing. She didn’t text me back all night, but at 1 in the morning she texted somebody.”

“You stayed there until 1 in the morning?”

“Dude. I don’t mean to sound creepy, but I stayed there for 7 hours up in that tree. 15 minutes after she texts that person, guess who sneaks up in to her room? Fucking Brock.”

“Aw I’m sorry man. Wait, that means you stayed up there after he got there?”

“Ha, yeah, I couldn’t get down from the tree, had to call a friend to bring me a ladder. She saw my friend, then me, freaked out on me and broke up with me. Whatever, her loss really.”

This is just about where my story ends. Basically she calls the police and now has a restraining order against the guy. There are a few lessons to be learned from this eavesdropping story: first, don’t be a creepy guy, stalking through windows. Second, if you’re going to be a creepy guy like that, don’t go telling everybody about it, or at least not in a bathroom where there could be an innocent Jake that doesn’t want to hear about creepy dudes. Lastly, non creepy dude says to creepy dude, “Hey man, in my experience, if you have to go to those kinda lengths of spying on your girl if you think she’s lying to you, she probably isn’t worth your time or energy. Just straight up ask her.” Best part: creepy dude met this girl on Tinder.

Anyway, this happened a few days ago. I’ve been wanting to share it, but I haven’t had time, and I wasn’t sure if it was something I should even share. Hope you enjoy the creepiness, as I did.

Posted in Uncategorized

Females: 7 Tinder Profile Picture Fails


Editor’s Note: This is meant to be sarcastic and funny. Don’t take it too seriously. Or do. It couldn’t hurt your chances of finding Tinder love?

Ever since I started using the dating app “Tinder” many of my friends, both single and not, have always been fascinated by my decisions on who to swipe and who I deny. They’ll watch in astonishment as I selfishly, cynically, arbitrarily rate women by a few pictures and a short bio. Welcome to a new age of dating. Where you can “hack” love and online dating. Where substance doesn’t mean jack shit and the only basis of a relationship is purely based on physical attraction. Oh. Wait. Nothing is new. Apps like this just seem to epitomize the problem with modern dating, but I’d like to set forth a few no-nos for all my would be Tinder-ladies out there:

  1. Don’t have your profile picture be of just your dog. Or a landscape. Or a text about how you’re “looking for something to go on adventures with and grow with.” That’s bio BS. All it tells me is that in the vast infinity of the cosmos, there doesn’t exist one decent picture that you deem worthy of uploading to a dating site that is all about first impressions of pictures.
  2. This goes along with the first one, but needed a category of itself: pictures of the back of your head. Whether its supposed to be artsy? Ironic? You’re showing off your new ombre? Doesn’t matter. Post a picture of your face. Let us be the judge if its something we are interested in or not! Swiped LEFT!
  3.  A group picture. Ah the ever confusing and ever-potential flattering group picture. Are they the ugly friend? Are they the cute friend? Or do they only look cute because they are juxtaposed against an ugly friend. A lot of deep psychology goes in to this, and I’m supposed to investigate and swipe to the next picture to see if you’re the attractive one or not? Ok…I’ll bite, but I’m not happy about it.
  4. I swipe to the next picture, what do I find??? ANOTHER GROUP PICTURE with literally the same four girls, just in a different location. Instead of a wedding they are all at a color run 5K or some shit. Still, literally no clues given to me other than these girls hangout entirely too often. And if its the cute one, I’m eventually going to meet the ugly one because they appear to be attached at the hip. I’m okay with this…I just want to find some clue at this point who this girl is. So I look at her name, maybe I can deduce which one it is by the name: its Jessica. Sweet. Swipe to the next picture.
  5. Okay…its been narrowed down to just two girls instead of four. But of course the cutest one is out of the picture. Now we are down to ugly and slightly better than average. Unfortunately the latter doesn’t look like a Jessica. She looks like an Ashley or Stephanie. Here’s to hoping my name prejudices are wrong, and I’ll swipe it to the last picture…
  6. God damnit. It is the four of them again, and apparently they went for some incredible hike. But I’m done. What an emotional rollercoaster. Not really, but still. You get my point. Don’t use group photos for your first picture! And if you MUST, then don’t use them for ALL of your pictures…that is a game of roulette that I do not want to be a part of.
  7.  This one is a touchy subject. But if you have a kid…that’s fine…just don’t upload a picture of them as your profile pic on a dating site where random people (potential creepers) can see them.  I understand its a huge part of your life and maybe have it in a second or third picture, and definitely mention it in the bio if the kid is that important to you (I hope my dark sense of humor is shining through here) but just don’t make it creepy and make it your first picture. Even a picture with both of you is a little off.


Anyway, this is all the little mini fails I could think up off the top of my head. I really should start chronicling some of my online dating adventures. I apologize if any of this post was offensive, but it was written in good fun. Happy New Year, and hope you all have a fantastic year. If you get a kick out of this article or any of them, like, share and if you have a wordpress, subscribe! If anything, you could learn something from my handy dandy post about taking the perfect selfie.

If all else fails, try not to be this creepy guy/girl, and we can still be friends.


I still need a catchphrase to sign out on my blog posts.